The Canadian Universe

Today, Canada rules the Universe. No really, we won the Miss Universe Pageant. Okay, okay, actually Natalie Glebova won the title but still, she's Canadian.

Now of course with a Pageant, there is going to be controvrsy and those of you who've seen Miss Congeniality say it with me "it's a scholarship program not a beauty pageant". Of course, in the beginning it was. The girls would wear those really weird bathing suits and they would have 'hair out to there'. My theory about the hair is that they shaved their heads beforehand and wore wigs of horsehair to ensure that their 'bob and weave' wouldn't move around when they were performing or giving speeches or juggling flaming batons and other such cliche talents.

Canada has been present at the Pageant since it began in 1952, along with the USA, France and Germany. I couldn't find any information on how many times Canada has won the title but I'm assuming we have won it before?

So what does this mean for Canada? Are little children going to go parading around wanting to be the next Miss Universe? Are they going to expect semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic powers to come with that crown? Will they want their parents to be court jesters? Will they expect chocolate to be brought at the snap of a fingers? It really makes you think. If you really could become ruler of the universe what would you do?

I think I'd put up a sign saying 'Space For Rent'. *snigger*

New Ambassador to Canada

Well, America's ambassador to Canada, Paul Cellucci is leaving his job. We should all be singing Auld Lang Syne because it's a new year. That guy has been pissing me off ever since he said he was "disappointed and upset" about our decision not to join the war in Iraq. That's a very diplomatic way of putting it because from what I got from his own mouth in interviews, he was disgusted. He just doesn't seem to like us and don't you think you should like your job if you're going to do it well?

The man who's going to replace him is David Wilkins and from what I read in the paper, he's a nice guy but then, on the net, he's a southern fundamentalist. And I just can't decide which one to disbelieve more so I need your help. Well actually, I need help from someone who has seen him in action or knows him or at least delivered pizza to him.

Is he a nice guy? Does he use fabric softener? Does he remember the summer of '69? My one problem with the man is that he has visited Canada exactly once, in the 70s. I can't see how he would have gotten a very good impression of my country as the only colours that existed in the 70s were brown and orange. He said he doesn't know a lot about Canada so I expect him to do some reading. I can't see how he can be worse than the man he's replacing so I hope he does a good job.

Two asides completely unrelated to this topic: 1) In another interesting developement, a Liberal member of Parliament located in Labrador has died, meaning that an election needed to be held. A Liberal was elected to the seat, making the seats dead even 153-153. Independant member Chuck Cadman holds the balance of power. This message is for him: Chuck, if you screw this up, I'm coming to your house, duck taping you to a chair and making you listen to a CD of Joan Rivers singing, set to repeat.

2) Did anyone watch the Contender finale? I had imagined myself not being able to watch grown men beat each other to death but I was actually cheering them on. Carnal rage? Sadistic? I prefer to call it, living through someone else's actions. But I won't spoil it for you, let's just say that the man I was gunning for won. I always thought boxing was more bloody but there were few cuts and little blood. Vampire boxers, now there's a cable access show if I've ever heard one.

Belinda Stronach jumps the shark

I just about choked on my dinner when I saw this on the news. One reason for this may have been that it came without any warning. There were no whispers in the bathrooms of Parliament and there were certainly no secret emails that accidentally got sent out to everyone on your mailing list.

In an interesting turn of events... Belinda Stronach has crossed the floor to join her once mortal enemies, the Liberals. Both camps were surprised and when Steven Harper heard of this he immediately called Paul Martin out and challenged him to a silly string fight.

I was absolutely disgusted though with what the media reported, playing interviews where various men said that she was "whoring herself out for power." Now, we all know that politicians do this but it's not put in these words. And if Stronach was a man named Bernard, do you think anyone would have said she was "whoring herself out"? They would have used different words and I wonder why it is that when a woman does something like this that it's put in those words. As far as I'm concerned she saw an opportunity and she took it. If it turns out to be the worst decision she's ever made, don't worry, she'll pay for it. Martin might hand her the Ministry of Poopy Politics or the Ministry of Watching Kitchen Floors Being Retiled Improperly.

But in my opinion, she's the one that saved the government on Thursday during the budget vote. I would have actually liked to see her cross the floor but since that wasn't going to happen I just imagined Martin doing his little "GleeHands" signature move when he found out about Stronach's move. And as much as I dislike politicians for all the backdealing and whatever, I'm glad we're not going to have another election yet. I don't think I could handle another 36 days of propoganda being shoved down my throat. I couldn't eat for days after that happened the first time.

For those out there who aren't Canadian and don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Belinda Stronach is a former Conservative and opposition member.

I had a little bit of an inkling that she was a lefty-righty (a place to the right of left that might make you a buddy of lefties instead of righties) after she sided with the government on same-sex marriage. This all sounds more like a fight to the death over which hand you use to write with. But often, politics really is a high school drama. Anybody ever watch Degrassi? "After that scene where Harper got in bed with Duceppe I just couldn't watch another episode." *sniff* "I was so upset." They act like a bunch of children with a lot of money and they don't know what to do with it.

As for jumping the shark; she hasn't gone off the deep-end, I just remember that "Happy Days" episode as being very surprising. Okay no, I saw the re-run. But you don't see someone jump a shark every day do you? "After that scene, where the Fonz jumped the shark, I just couldn't watch another episode. That poor shark; can you imagine the trauma it must have gone through, the thousands of dollars it must have spent on therapy?"

Prediction: BC bankrupt by 2010

Well, the new logo for the 2010 Olympic games was unveiled a few weeks ago and the first thing I thought was...fingerpainting. It looks like one and it looks like it was done by a child.

Yeah yeah the red stands for the flag and the yellow is for BC's sunsets and the blue is for the ocean. Blah blah blah. Normally I would paste a picture on the top of this post but it's under copyright. Please, who is going to steal a child's fingerpainting?

And why an Inukshuk? I know it's an Inuit symbol but wouldn't this be a more appropriate logo if the games were taking place in the north? Well, more north than BC is. And since the games are taking place on the west coast, wouldn't a west coast logo be more fitting? Yes I've heard people on the news saying that the logo is supposed to represent all of Canada and not just BC but does an Inukshuk symbolize all of BC?

Here's some background. Inukshuk means, "in the image of a man". Traditionally they acted as compasses or guides for safe journeys. If anyone has anything they'd like to say about Inukshuks, let me know.

And who exactly is going to get to go to these games? Rich people in Vancouver and travellers from other countries. Everyone in BC is going to have to pay for them but not everyone is going to get to go. That's like having a birthday party where all the kids in the class buy you presents but only six kids actually get to go.

One more thing. By the time 2010 roles around, it will have been more than two decades since the games were held here. Didn't Montreal just finish paying off the 1976 Olympics?